Summertime, and the managing is queasy

July is here, and that means my annual "4th of July Shakemup Fair." In the past, I've only called it that in my head, but I think this year, I should say it out loud for my peeps on Blogger, MySpace and that Headbook thing.

In case you've been living under a log, or are Mel Karmazin (SNAP!), every year in the summer I "adjust" our management, the structure of the company, and my pants. I adjust the pants several other times during the year as well, but do it in July, too. Right now I'm wearing Dockers.

This year though, I'm em-bare-assed to say that I went a little nuts, thanks to mixing too many Dos Exxis and wine cooler combinations the night before and REALLY changed the whole management lineup. Like, so much I forgot half the people I promoted, almost all of the people I fired and the Mexican kid who was bussing the table we were at is now an SVP of Condiments. His office is down the hall from mine, and even though he looks pretty good in a suit and actually had a couple really good ideas in the meeting on Monday, he's got to go back to the bar by this weekend. Don't worry though, Randall's giving him an exit package worth what he'd make working at the Cadillac for 10 years, and he'll have VP stripes on his CV.

I fully expect him to be at least a market manager for CBS by Labor Day. I mean come on, get real, what do you have to know to do that job, anyway?

Apart from Guillermo, I don't have much recollection of the changes I made, and I accidently deleted my emails (long story - don't ask). So, I'm going to ask any of my managers who read this blog and may have gotten an email from me promoting them to please shoot me an IM, text or fax (my email is still so screwed up &*%%$#ing AOL) that I wouldn't rely on one getting to me. If you did get promoted, let me know what the details were and I'll put in the HR paperwork.