Around the Ranch

We're the biggest broadcaster in the world, meaning we're open to scrutiny that many only dream about. The FCC has a direct line into my office, through a special blue phone sitting on my desk underneath a glass cake tray (that was Randall's idea - he's a Batman freak, and I don't mean the Christian Bale Batman, I mean the Adam West Batman. I know, it makes me a little uncomfortable sometimes, too). My blue phone is a fairly modern touchtone model, but I'm told its counterpart in Washington is an old rotary job. All they had lying around the office, I guess.

I feel the need to pass that scrutiny on to my employees, as well, so I've got sophisticated monitoring devices that allow me to hear any of our stations at any time. Our engineers, the best in the business, have designed a system for me to pick up my office phone, dial a special number (depending on the station I want to hear) and in a few seconds, I hear the station on the phone. I discovered yesterday, that I can even hit the "speaker" button on the phone and I don't have to hold the receiver up to my ear. I can't claim the credit for that innovation - My chiro, who is treating my neck problems suggested it.

So, yesterday, I spent the afternoon going through my big black binder with the numbers for every station in it (I think we're going to call them 'Hoganlines') and randomly listening to stations all over this great country of ours. I heard Rock stations in Mobile Alabama, Santa Barbara, California and Honolulu, Hawaii (what, did they run a big long cable all the way from Hawaii? That's an island 20 or 3o miles out at sea? I love technology!)

I'll never get tired of navigating the technological wonder our lives have become. Welcome to the future.

But it's not all work at the ranch in S.A. We have fun, too. It's always someone's birthday, so there's a lot of cake floating around most of the time. And laughs! Oh yeah! Mark has this thing where when I say something he doesn't like (maybe like 'let's go to Chipotle for lunch again today') he'll say "Hogannnnnnnnnnnnn" like Colonel Klink always did in Hogan's Heroes. Fun stuff. For Christmas, I'm buying him a monocle.

Don't get me wrong, there's lots of hard work, too. I can't think of any right now, but trust me. HARD work.